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2/9/2020

Limbo, Legacies, & Elastic Hearts...

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Last night I slept... a full 10 hours of glorious sleep. It is only now that I finally feel rested for the first time months that I realize how very tired I have been. The sudden loss of our stallion, Glorioso Noir, in the fall was a huge blow to both my heart and ambitions. The horse business is one of the few businesses where you form emotional bonds with your products which, unfortunately, is inevitably going to result in some heartbreak. Every foal and young horse we sell leads to tears shed on my part when I have to say goodbye, even though I know that every one of them is going to a loving home. When you decide to breed horses you have to accept these tiny heartbreaks as par for the course. It is the giant heart-shatters that take more time to bounce back from – the loss of a broodmare, foal, youngster, or stallion – I have experienced them all now. Each loss followed by a period of limbo where I question wether I am strong enough for this business and is “the juice is worth the squeeze”? Anyone who knows me knows that my mind is a restless vortex; every thought, idea, emotion, experience, etc. dissected into a million pieces and examined from every angle. It is exhausting on the best of days. For months I have been navigating between my grief at the loss of Glori, and my grief at the blow to our business... but last night I slept.

My answer is that the juice is very much worth the squeeze. The juice is the soft breath of a broodmare on the back of my head when she has snuck up on me to ask me to take a break from my never ending tasks to give her a hug. The juice is anticipating this years foal crop as I talk to them through their dams bellies and sing them Bob Marley songs. The juice is everything about the foals – their soft coats, adorable whiskers, curiosity, playfulness, cuddliness, power naps, sassiness, etc. The juice is quiet evenings working with the youngsters teaching them to be solid citizens, or just kissing their noses and telling them how much they are loved. The juice is the people who understand – the ones in the trenches with me – an army of peers around the word rocking their pyjamas and rubber boots while existing mostly on coffee and candy as they sleep in in 15 minute increments hoping tonight their mare finally foals and that both foal and momma come through safe and sound. The juice is the updates/photos/videos that the buyers of my young horses send me from time to time to tell me that my babies are still loved and cherished.

So with that I want to turn my focus to the juice of the past few months...

My greatest joy of 2019 is that we have foals both on the ground and in-utero to continue Glori's legacy in our breeding program. Emilia (Emilion/Voltaire) blessed Stephanie with a super athletic filly in June named Gamora, and Eden (Donatelli/Laroche) really out did herself by giving us the most gorgeous big black colt in September. He was born on Friday the 13th under a full moon after I spotted a falling star so we decided the name Ghost Star was suiting for him. After losing Glori we deliberated for weeks on keeping Ghost for ourselves as a future stallion candidate, but ultimately decided that we are not in the position to campaign a young stallion. We were delighted when Ghost was purchased by trainer Nathalie Green of Sambea Farm who is very capable of training him to his fullest potential in either dressage or jumping.

We had an excellent breeding season this year with all four broodmares in foal to Glori:
> Due April 26 = Rea (Regazzoni/Davignon I)
> Due May 10 = Daisy (Donarweiss/Loredo) & Belle de Jour (Balou du Rouet/Arrian)
> Due June 2 = Raven (Ruiz Solar/Rienzi)

We hope to keep one of Glori's daughters from this crop of foals to retain for our breeding program... making us even more excited to meet them all! In-utero colt option contracts for all foals are still available for purchase.

Speaking of our broodmares, both Raven and Belle de Jour were presented at the Hanoverian inspection this past September and accepted into the Main Mare Book for the Verband.

With the loss of Glori we found ourselves in the unexpected dilemma of having to find breeding matches for all of our mares this coming season. Of course, being true to myself, I agonized over the decision for months, but I now have made the following choices for all our mares:
> Dauphin (Donnerhall/Feiner Stern) for both Rea (Regazzoni/Davignon I) & Raven (Ruiz Soler/Rienzi).
> Parcival (Vadar/Lucky Boy) for Daisy (Donarweiss/Loredo).
> Coumario (Coupie/C-Indoctro) for Belle de Jour (Balou du Rouet/Arrian).
> Nechristo (Negro/Christ) for Dauphinee (Dauphin/Contucci).

All of our youngsters are thriving. Bellamy (Bonheur/Contucci) has just finished two months of training with dressage trainer Anna Osinga-Bouma and has proved to be a very willing and sweet boy to work with. He will now have a few months out to pasture at Rassicot Farm before going back into training in the spring. Dauphinee (Dauphin/Contucci) will start her training this spring with the goal to have her complete her Hanoverian Mare Performance Test (MPT) this fall. Two year old De Angelo gets more beautiful by the day... I can't even imagine how stunning he will be once mature. All three youngsters are currently still on the market.

As mentioned above I am always grateful to hear updates about our babies - especially when they are Poodle's babies! Big thanks to Margaret Cruickshank-Groves for sharing with me photos of Poodle's 2006 filly, Ysabel (by Beyond Reach) from this past show season with her young rider, Maya. Also super happy to receive photos of Poodle's 2015 son by Schwarzenegger, Superbad (now named Spudnik II) with his owner Valerie Leighton.

So in reflecting on all I have to be grateful for I know that perhaps my heart is not as shattered than I had previously perceived. I find myself once again scheming about future endeavours and adventures. Am I resilient or delusional? I guess time will tell, but for now there are fuzzy noses to kiss and round bellies to sing to.